My cousin died at 48 year old.
The same week a viewer left me a message on our Corporate Facebook page that I looked horrible and was using too much filler and botox in my face.
A public page I should mention for the world to see.
Hmmm … where do I start with my response?
I started with honesty and kindness.
I read her note three times, then decided to respond before I got distracted by another project.
You will notice I am not using this woman’s name.
That is intentional. I don’t believe in shaming people.
But I do believe in sharing life lessons.
I explained to her that I had never used “filler” in my face, in my life. I told her I got botox on my crow’s feet 3 times a year. I am not ashamed.
I went onto kindly tell her that I saw what she saw. When I looked in the mirror, I too noticed my face looked puffy and swollen but it was not the result of medical procedures.
I detailed my “season of life” so she could understand.
I told her in an 8 – 10 week period (from October to December 2019), I packed up our 6,000 plus square foot home we sold without much help. I then had to get a family of 5 settled into a rental house so I didn’t mess up school and work schedules. This meant sleeping little and eating lots of salty junk food late at night.
During that time, we also got a new puppy, and she had to potty about every 2 hours, which resulted in more sleep deprivation.
I went onto explain my first cousin, Stevie, died of lung cancer and we all know what mourning and crying do to your face.
During this time, I also planned two birthday parties since two of my children are fall babies, had the holidays to contend with, family in from Ohio, and was still working full time and doing my volunteer work.
I closed my note by telling her that although I understood I looked a little rough lately, when I started eating and sleeping normally again … and the fattening Christmas cookies were gone, I would begin to look like myself. Then I wished her well and hit send.
And guess what happened?
She responded and apologized for ASSUMING.
I told her not to worry about it with a smiley face emoji. And chit-chatted about the weather.
I was hurt, but just because you are hurt doesn’t give you the right to be mean.
Just because someone is rude doesn’t give you the right to be rude back.
In the meantime, I witnessed sweet friends and viewers post encouraging words on the thread, trying to cheer me up.
Most people had no idea what season of life I was going through. I wasn’t keeping it a secret, I just don’t believe in complaining, so I didn’t broadcast any of it prior.
Remember, all of this is unfolding on our Corporate Facebook page.
And then guess what happened?
The lady deleted her post without me asking.
Here is the moral of the story …
Kindness always wins.
Honesty always wins.
Transparency always wins.
Had I reacted with anger, this story would be much different.
It would have turned into a fighting match – a war of words – and no one wins in those.
I responded like I was raised to respond.
I responded like God would want me to respond.
I accepted her apology because I chose to give people the benefit of the doubt.
I respected she took the time to apologize for assuming and realized her error.
And that back and forth ended just as it should have.
Her learning a lesson.
And me thanking the Lord for His grace in my response.
Like I tell my kids all the time, people will make assumptions about you your entire life.
You can do three things:
- Ignore them
- Correct them kindly.
- Get angry or respond angrily.
You will make much more progress with option 1 or 2. Besides, think of it this way – sometimes God puts mean and angry people in your path, not to hurt you … but to use you as a vehicle to soften their heart.
And speaking of heart, my heart still misses my cousin Stevie. I can hear his laugh and see his dimple when I close my eyes. We grew up together and he was my only cousin on my mom’s side. I remember coming home from the hospital as a kid, and he would always let me climb on his lap to watch television. He never complained about my heavy casts weighing down his body.
I’m sure he is now just as helpful to other kids in Heaven. RIP sweet Stevie.
Great read! You handled the situation extremely well. Thanks for sharing.
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And thank YOU for reading Greg. I am glad I read it 3 times. It gave me time to settle and think about how to respond.Make sure to subscribe on the main page
You are a Blessing. Thank You
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Thank you so very much for reading, Darlene. That’s why I write! If you haven’t already make sure to subscribe on the main page so you know each time a new blog comes out.
Perfect write up
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Thank you, Nick! I hope you have a blessed week!
I think you handled this situation well. You never know what people are going through. I’m glad you explained this to her in a way that it wasn’t hurtful. Well done Nichole.
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Like my 94 year old grama says, Kim ….. It’s all about the small things in life! 🙂 Big love to you!
Nicole, you responded as a Christian person and woman should, good for you job well done. That person should have her vision checked, because you always look beautiful. I love your show! Have a good weekend .
Jo Barnes
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Hey Jo, Well since I am sitting here writing at 11:30 pm, and eating Pirates Booty, which is suppossed to be going into my son’s lunch in the am, my face may stay puffy for a bit longer!! 🙂 xoxoxox Thanks for reading and make sure to subscribe on the main page!
I don’t know why I am just now finding your blog, but your words have blessed me. I have just now come to the end of a season that has lasted for 12 years. Still praying The Lord will show me what He wants me to do and that I will follow His direction!
I’m glad to get to know you =)
Michele
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Well Michele, first let me say welcome to this little community! I am glad you are here. 12 years and you are still standing…that is something to be proud of. Stand tall knowing this next season is going to be better for you than the last. And make sure on the main page to subscribe so you will get an email each time a new blog is published. I will say a special prayer for you Michele, that you keep joy and peace in the forefront, as you enter this next chapter of yours!
Awesome, As old wise man once said , becaeful of the words you speak, you never know which one you may have to eat.
Spiritual Maturity
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That is a fantastic quote, Deborah!
Thank you for sharing this story and your heart. You have no idea how much I needed to read this today.
You are a blessing!
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That makes my day, Wendy! Keep your chin up girl!
You are a beautiful person!
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Thank You Donna! And thank you for joining this community here!Nicole
Good job and nice read ‼️‼️ Nicole you were doing a show in Guntersville in 2019 ,,,, boat show ,,, I think and I text you about the pronunciation about Guntersville .. Remember ❓❓Well my mother was from Connecticut . She moved here in the early 50’s and caught hell all the time about her strong accent . Mother was a lot like you because she responded very well to all the critical remarks . It truly made her a better and super woman . Your friend Debbie Black ♥️
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Yes, I remember that Debbie. How are you doing? Lake G is still my favorite space – I try to come once a summer and stay at the B & B, shop and enjoy a sunset. What a blessed place.
I just started reading your blog last week. I met you in and elevator at Grandview last year and you were so sweet. I too have been going through a tough season. I lost my daughter to epilepsy 7 yrs. ago. I love this post. People can be tough on us when they have no idea what’s going on in our lives. ❤️
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Hi Gwen, I am sorry to hear about this, but now that I know, I will say a special prayer for peace for your heart. No parent should have to go through what you did. 🙁
Thanks Nicole for the message. Sometimes we forgot that people got a lot going on. Sorry for the lost of your cousin.
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Thank you, Corey! He was a good dude.